Looking After Yourself this Holiday Season

Happy Holidays, or at least I hope this is a happy season for you. I know it can be difficult if you have experienced loss, or are alone.  I totally understand that, my mother died on January 2, 18 years ago. It was the most difficult Christmas ever. We rushed her to the hospital on Christmas Eve, and the next day (Christmas Day) she came home to die. It was an excruciating week. But, we were so grateful when she finally passed as she no longer needed to suffer. It had been years of suffering.

But, Christmas was ruined for me. My girls were teenagers at the time, so I did what I had to. Once they left home I did nothing for the holidays until my grandchildren were born, when I started to come back around and heal my wounds. In that time, I had also lost a partner, so there just seemed no reason to celebrate.

I look back and I wish that I had started that healing sooner, however, I wasn’t ready, nor did I have anyone to show me the way at that time. 

That still took some time.

I would like to share some helpful tips to make it through this time of year.

The information below is provided by the Mayo Clinic (with a few added notes by me)

The holiday season often brings unwelcome guests — stress and depression. And it's no wonder. The holidays often present a dizzying array of demands — cooking meals, shopping, baking, cleaning, and entertaining, to name just a few. Not to mention if you have experienced loss, or are alone.

But with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress that accompanies the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would. Most important, is to take control of the holidays for yourself, you decide how you want to navigate your way through the holidays.

Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression

When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past.

Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones for other reasons, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season. Nor do you need to, allow yourself time.

Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious, or other social events or communities. Many may have websites, online support groups, social media sites, or virtual events. They can offer support and companionship. This can be vitally important if you are having feelings of self-harm, or feeling that you have no value. You are valuable.

If you're feeling stressed during the holidays, it also may help to talk to a friend or family member about your concerns. Try reaching out with a text, a call, or a video chat.

Volunteering your time or doing something to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships. For example, consider dropping off a meal and dessert at a friend's home during the holidays. Maybe, all you have the energy for is making a nice card for a neighbor, whatever you can do to build some positive energy for yourself.

Be realistic. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children or other relatives can't come to your home, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails, or videos. Or meet virtually on a video call. Even though your holiday plans may look different this year, you can find ways to celebrate. Or maybe, you don’t have anyone left, you can create your own traditions. Maybe this year it is one thing that you have always wanted to do or one thing you loved from growing up.

Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all of your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too. However, if you have toxic relationships that hurt you, you do not need to see those people, you do what is best for you to look after yourself through the season.

Stick to a budget. Before you do your gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts.

Try these alternatives:

• Donate to a charity in someone's name.
• Give homemade gifts.
• Start a family gift exchange.

Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, connecting with friends, and other activities. Consider whether you can shop online for any of your items. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That'll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for meal prep and cleanup. If you are alone for the holidays, make sure you get what you need to make you feel good. Maybe a special meal for yourself, or a gift of something you have wanted. Plan ahead to look after you.

Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can't participate in every project or activity. If it's not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time. Make sure you don’t remove things that are important to you. Remove those things that are a drain first.

Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.

Try these suggestions:

• Have a healthy snack before holiday meals so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese, or drinks.
• Eat healthy meals.
• Get plenty of sleep.
• Include regular physical activity in your daily routine.
• Try deep-breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga. See our Day 1 of  24 Days of Giving for a meditation for stress and anxiety.
• Avoid excessive tobacco, alcohol, and drug use.

Be aware of how the information culture can produce undue stress, and adjust the time you spend reading news and social media as you see fit.

Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Find an activity you enjoy. Take a break by yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing, and restoring inner calm.

Some options may include:

• Meditation See our Day 1 of  24 Days of Giving for a meditation for stress and anxiety.
• Taking a walk at night and stargazing
• Listening to soothing music
• Reading a book
• Creating, in whatever way that is for you

Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or mental health professional.

Take control of the holidays

Don't let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers, such as financial pressures or personal demands, so you can combat them before they lead to a meltdown. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you can find peace and joy during the holidays.

You can check out our Divine Creative Membership which has the ‘Bringing Joy back to the Holidays!’ program that gives you many tips and tricks to do the holidays your way.

Celebrate in whatever way that makes you happy!

You are valuable,

Larissa