You Have the Right to Feel Angry!

As women we are often told to calm down, don’t get angry, or to be quiet. Meanwhile men are encouraged to show their power and anger. Anger is considered a power emotion. Women may be allowed to show anger with their children, but not their husbands. Men can show anger with anyone because they hold the power. Children can only show their anger to their dolls. This is a power matrix.

Unhealthy ways we often deal with anger is to stuff our emotions down, eat, drink, use another substance to take away our feelings. When we are unable to express our emotions, even those negative emotions they pop up in other ways. 

Anger will come bubbling up in unexpected ways

• Self criticism
• Judgment of self or others
• Addictions
• Anxiety and depression
• Self esteem issues
• Relationship and intimacy issues

But, what if we changed that and we all could show ‘Healthy’ anger. If we were allowed to voice our upset, frustration, and pain.

Healthy anger does not allow for losing control, or violence or using anger as power. Healthy anger allows us to feel our feelings and know that something needs to be done differently. Anger has a very clear objective: it urges us to resolve a concrete threat.

Knowing our boundaries around anger:

• Knowing which battles are worth fighting. We need to be very clear about our boundaries and what we are willing to put up with, however we can not change other people. Do not argue about things that you cannot change. Know when to let something go.
• Verbally attacking others in anger is never okay, you are welcome to disagree about something, do not make it a personal matter.
• Figure out why you are angry. Is this a danger to yourself or someone else? Is it fear rearing up, is it something you disagree with that has no consequences? When you can figure out why you are angry you can stop, breathe, and decide how best to proceed.
• Every situation you resolve, face or defend shows you where inactivity and/or stuffing your emotions down is harmful and unhealthy.

You don’t have to be afraid of negative emotions. Understanding and managing them is a key to our personal growth.

How can we feel anger without losing control?

Giving ourselves permission to feel our anger, not stuffing it down or dismissing it.

When we give ourselves permission to feel our own feelings we allow ourselves to process through them. If you are concerned for others if you are angry, take yourself away and let yourself feel. What does it feel like to be angry in a controlled way? To allow yourself to feel.

Looking at why we are angry and what can be done about it.

Often we are so busy stuffing our feelings down we don’t actually know what we are angry about. Often it is not what is happening right now. This could be the one last straw or you were already upset about something else and this event triggered that. Allowing ourselves the time to understand what we are angry about will let us put a voice to it.

Once we know what we are angry about, it is time to address it.

Maybe you're angry at yourself for something you did, maybe someone else. Is this a life threatening thing? Is it hurtful? Is it damaging in any way? If the answer is yes, then it needs to be addressed.

Often our fear shows up as anger.

When we are afraid we often put anger at the forefront so that we don’t have to feel the fear. If that is the case you need to unwrap what you are afraid of and deal with that emotion. Again, allowing yourself to feel the fear.

Often we hang on to anger because we are afraid of confrontation or dealing with another person. This only makes your pain worse. If you are going to push someone away with your unexpressed anger would it not make more sense to have a discussion about what is making you angry and giving the other person a chance to resolve that with you?

Give yourself permission to have emotions, to feel angry. Let yourself feel fully. Sit in the emotion and then work on the best way to move forward. Often we are more afraid of the physical sensations in our body when we have emotions then we are of the emotion itself. Sit through the sensations and allow the emotion to pass.

If you can’t give yourself permission, I give you permission. I have no more power then you do, but I know some people need to hear it from someone else. With much love.

Above is a great meditation for releasing anger, give it a try.

Have an Amazingly Creative Day,

Larissa